One that ruleth well his own house - This implies that a minister of the gospel would be, and ought to be, a married man. It is everywhere in the New Testament supposed that he would be a man who could be an example in all the relations of life. The position which he occupies in the church has a strong resemblance to the relation which a father sustains to his household; and a qualification to govern a family well, would be an evidence of a qualification to preside properly in the church. It is probable that, in the early Christian church, ministers were not unfrequently taken from those of mature life, and who were, at the time, at the head of families; and, of course, such would be men who had had an opportunity of showing that they had this qualification for the office. Though, however, this cannot be insisted on now as a "previous" qualification for the office, yet it is still true that, if he has a family, it is a necessary qualification, and that a man in the ministry "should be" one who governs his own house well. A want of this will always be a hindrance to extensive usefulness.

Having his children in subjection with all gravity - This does not mean that his "children" should evince gravity, whatever may be true on that point; but it refers "to the father." He should be a grave or serious man in his family; a man free from levity of character, and from frivolity and fickleness, in his conversation with his children. It does not mean that he should be severe, stern, morose - which are traits that are often mistaken for gravity, and which are as inconsistent with the proper spirit of a father as frivolity of manner - but that he should be a serious and sober-minded man. He should maintain proper "dignity" (σεμνότης semnotēs); he should maintain self-respect, and his deportment should be such as to inspire others with respect for him.

The fourteenth qualification of a Christian bishop is, that he ruleth well his own house; του ιδιου οικου καλως προΐσταμενον, one who properly presides over and governs his own family. One who has the command, of his own house, not by sternness, severity, and tyranny, but with all gravity; governing his household by rule, every one knowing his own place, and each doing his own work, and each work having the proper time assigned for its beginning and end. This is a maxim of common sense; no family can be prosperous that is not under subjection, and no person can govern a family but the head of it, the husband, who is, both by nature and the appointment of God, the head or governor of his own house. See the note on Ephesians 5:22.

One that ruleth well his own house,.... His family, wife, children, and servants; and is not to be understood of his body, and of keeping of that under, and of preserving it chaste and temperate, as appears from what follows:

having his children in subjection with all gravity; keeping a good decorum in his family; obliging his children to observe his orders, and especially the rules of God's word; and not as Eli, who did not use his authority, or lay his commands upon his sons, nor restrain them from evil, or severely reprove them for their sins, but neglected them, and was too mild and gentle with them;

1 Samuel 2:23 1 Samuel 3:13 but like Abraham, who not only taught, but commanded his children and his household, to keep the way of the Lord; Genesis 18:19 and so should those act who are in such an office as is here treated of; and should not only rule well in their families, preside over them, go before them, and set an example to them, and keep their children in obedience and subjection; but this should be "with all gravity": not only in the master of the family, but in the children; who as their father is, or should be, should be brought up in, and used to gravity in words and in dress; and in the whole of their deportment and conversation. This may he observed against the Papists, who forbid marriage to the ministers of the Gospel.

That ruleth (προΐστάμενον)

Mostly in the Pastorals, but also in Romans 12:8; 1 Thessalonians 5:12. The participle means placed in front. Here in a general sense, but in 1 Thessalonians 1:5 of church authorities, but only functionally, not as a title of specially appointed officers. It is characteristic of the loose and unsettled ecclesiastical nomenclature of the apostolic age.

Having in subjection (ἔχοντα ἐν ὑποταγῇ)

The phrase is unique in N.T. Ὑποταγή subjection is a Pauline word: see 2 Corinthians 9:13; Galatians 2:5. olxx.

One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;

3:4 One that ruleth well his own house. This implies that he must be a man of family.

Having his children in subjection. He must be a father with obedient children.

3:4 Having his children in subjection with all seriousness - For levity undermines all domestic authority; and this direction, by a parity of reason, belongs to all parents.

4. ruleth-Greek, "presiding over."

his own house-children and servants, as contrasted with "the church" (house) of God (1Ti 3:5, 15) which he may be called on to preside over.

having his children-rather as Greek, "having children (who are) in subjection" (Tit 1:6).

gravity-propriety: reverent modesty on the part of the children [Alford]. The fact that he has children who are in subjection to him in all gravity, is the recommendation in his favor as one likely to rule well the Church.

3:1-7 If a man desired the pastoral office, and from love to Christ, and the souls of men, was ready to deny himself, and undergo hardships by devoting himself to that service, he sought to be employed in a good work, and his desire should be approved, provided he was qualified for the office. A minister must give as little occasion for blame as can be, lest he bring reproach upon his office. He must be sober, temperate, moderate in all his actions, and in the use of all creature-comforts. Sobriety and watchfulness are put together in Scripture, they assist one the other. The families of ministers ought to be examples of good to all other families. We should take heed of pride; it is a sin that turned angels into devils. He must be of good repute among his neighbours, and under no reproach from his former life. To encourage all faithful ministers, we have Christ's gracious word of promise, Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world, Mt 28:20. And he will fit his ministers for their work, and carry them through difficulties with comfort, and reward their faithfulness.